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Prince 

     I'd been through it a million times!   I, Prince W. 

Charming, have the job as prince in the fairy tale 

Cinderella.   We dance, I fit the shoe, and we all live happily 

ever after.

     When I first applied for the job I thought it was fun, 

now it's just boring.   Every day the same thing!   Maybe 

tomorrow I'll apply for the job as the first little pig; the 

gingerbread man told me Mr. Ham thought he was getting a 

bad reputation building his house of straw.

     Back to reality, my dear friend.   The narrator was just 

about to say his famous happily ever after line but before 

he could pronounce the first syllable I was swept away by a 

huge dust tornado.

The Big Bad Wolf

     I'm the Big Bad Wolf. I'm not sure why the peasants gave 

me that name.   When I went to "How to be a Big Bad Wolf 

School", I was the smallest wolf in all my classes.   And I'm not 

really bad at all!   So I really should be the small, not so bad 

wolf!  

     As I stalked the little girl in the red hood, I examined my 

sheet music.   My dream was to retire and become an opera 

singer.   The Phantom of the Opera was blaring through my 

mind.   I was so focused on my singing I didn't notice the huge 

sparkling dust tornado approaching me at a fast pace.   Before 

I knew it I was swept away by the tornado.   My sheet music 

flew everywhere falling to the ground arranging themselves 

perfectly in a path towards granny's house.

Prince 

      The tornado dropped me in the middle of a forest.   There 

was a little pathway covered in sheet music.   Being as heroic 

and environmentally friendly as I am, I decided to follow the 

path and pick up all the sheets and put them in the recycling.

      I seemed to be following the trail forever, picking up any 

stray sheet I could find.   I was continuing on at a good pace.  

When I stopped to look up, I was several meters in front of a 

fork in the road.   A small girl skipping ahead of me took the 

left path.   I decided to go right because the sheets were still 

scattered across the ground and I couldn't bear a litter bug!  

The Big Bad Wolf

     I woke up in a daze.   In front of me stood a blonde lady in a 

big puffy dress that made her look fat.   She looked familiar, like 

someone I might have seen one hundred years ago at the 

employment office.   I decided to sing Carmen, one of my 

favourites, to see how she could sing.   She just frowned, her 

face turned beet red, and she started shrieking insults at me.  

Maybe this was a new opera I hadn't been informed of.

     "You need work on your soprano," I suggested.

     "Soprano!?   Who do you think you are!?" she shrieked.

     "Harry Wolfgang," I replied. She frowned.

     "Where is the prince?" she asked.   I had no clue what she 

was talking about.   She started to blab on about the tornado 

and how he had been swept away.   The only thing I remember 

seeing in the tornado was the sparking dust and just as it 

dropped me, I remembered a shining figure flying away.

"I don't know about any prince, but I was dropped here by a 

huge tornado," I answered

     "Tornado?   The prince was taken away by a tornado. Are 

you willing to be the replacement in the meantime?"

     I smiled and nodded in agreement.

Prince

     Luckily taking the path with the music sheets was the best 

choice, because the path led to a small log cabin. 

     It just occurred to me that it was possible that I might be 

in another fairy tale but I wasn't sure which one.  

     The most tantalizing smell was coming from the cabin. I 

peered through the window and my sense of smell exploded 

into a million tiny rainbows.   Magical ponies were dancing 

before my eyes.   Well, maybe it wasn't that great.   But 

through the window was the most perfect looking lasagna I 

had ever seen.   I was starving!   As a prince, I don't have 

much time to work out at the gym; so instead, I keep my diet 

very minimal.   But that lasagna was too much!   I opened the 

window and jumped inside.

The Big Bad Wolf

     Cindy, as she asked me to call her, explained in great detail the 

story of Cinderella.   She told me that as prince all I would have to do is 

make a couple thousand minor invitations to a ball, dance with her, 

find her shoe, search the whole village for her, and then we'd get 

married.   It seemed pretty straight forward except for the fact that I 

had to dance.   Since I am a wolf, I am related to a dog which means I 

chase my tail which is pretty embarrassing.   The worst part is it only 

happens when I have to dance. 

     We walked along a stone road. I was happily humming the Barber 

of Seville when we finally stopped at an elegant house which must 

have been Cindy's.   She pointed to the top of a lush green hill.

     "That's where you'll be staying,” she said.

     I practically howled in delight.   On top of the hill was a palace.   It 

was almost the exact replica of an opera house I had seen on TV.   She 

told me that the narrator would be restarting the story soon and that I 

should just play it cool, and sign the invitations.

Prince 

     The house looked almost exactly like my granny's.   The 

lasagna was killing me.   I had to find someone and ask for a 

slice.   There was a small wood stove in the corner of the room.  

I was pretty sure that I was in the story Hansel and Gretel and 

at the end of the story I'd have to throw a witch into the wood 

stove.   But something just didn't seem right.   Wasn't the house 

made of…   

     "What's that?" I mumbled to myself.   I had heard a noise 

coming from down the hallway.   It was a soft snoring.   I 

decided to investigate.   At the end of the hallway, there was a 

small door just open enough for a wolf to creep through without 

being heard.   I decided to sneak in.   In the room there was a 

small bed covered with a patchwork quilt.   Under the quilt was 

a frail old lady.   She looked very sick.   This lady needed a 

hospital pronto so I woke her up.

The Big Bad Wolf

     I was busy making invitations.   Questions kept popping 

into my mind, like did I actually have to marry her?   Or what 

would people think if they saw me licking the punch bowl.   My 

invitations were almost done.   I just had to write one to 

Rumplestiltskin and that mean old lady across the street.   I 

really enjoyed experimenting with my signatures as the 

temporary Prince.   I thought it was mandatory to have some 

fancy trademark signature.  

     The palace was very fancy!   The narrator was getting close 

to the fairy godmother part of the story so Cindy would be 

here soon.   I gave my final invitations to the royal mailman 

and I started practicing my welcomes.

Prince

     At first the old lady screamed when she saw me.   Then her 

expression changed from terror to confusion.

     "You’re not the wolf!" she cried. 

     "And you’re not sick at all!" I cried back.

     "What have you done with the big bad Harry Wolfgang?" 

she demanded.

     I wasn't quite sure why I was here.   I was now certain 

which fairy tale I was in. I was in Little Red Riding Hood.  

     "I...I...," I tried to explain what was happening but not a 

single answer came to my mind.   So I decided to introduce 

myself.

     "I am Prince W. Charming; you know the famous one from 

Cinderella."

     "Never heard of you," the lady said.

     I felt kind of embarrassed.   I just assumed everyone knew who I 

was.  

     "Oh aren't you that nice man from the supermarket?" she asked. 

"It's Joe right?"

     "ARRG!" I cried in frustration.

     "Oh, why didn't you just tell me you were a pirate?" the lady said.  

I was so angry!   She must have had extremely bad hearing!   Then 

without even thinking about what I was going to say, I explained 

everything in one simple sentence.

     "I am L-O-S-T lost!" I spoke very clearly making sure every 

syllable had been heard.

     “Oh you poor thing, why didn't you just say your name was Lost?  

It isn't that bad of a name," the lady said.

     "That's it!" I grabbed the lady, covered her head with a pillow 

case and shoved her in the closet.  

     Then when I least expected it, a small voice said, "Granny, I'm 

home."      

It was the small girl with the red hood.   I thought quickly and I 

hopped into the bed and covered myself with the blankets.  

The girl walked into the room and called for her granny again.

     "Where are you?" she asked.

     "Duh, I'm right here," I managed to say in my best granny 

voice.

     "Wow granny what an ugly voice you have," the girl said.

     "Wow Red, what bad manners you have," I said, and I 

peered up from the blankets so she could see my hair and my 

eyes.

    "Wow Granny, I see you decided to cut your hair yourself 

today.   It looks ugly."

     "Wow Red, don't you ever change your clothes?   Come to 

think of it, you were born wearing that hood."

     "Wow Granny, you’re so ugly that you couldn't even come 

up with a proper comeback!"

     "That's no way to talk to your granny!" And I raised myself 

fully from the bed.  

     "Yuck, Granny you look like you're on steroids!"

     "That's it Red! I am going to make you eat that lasagna in 

the kitchen and you are going to like it!"   I grabbed the girl by 

the ear and I dragged her into the kitchen. 

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