Contents

Pg. 4 - Introduction

Pg. 5 - C.1 "Seriously? Her?"

Pg. 11 C.2 "Are you OK?"

Pg. 19 C.3"Together, we will help."

Pg. 23 C.4 "Why waste my time?"

Pg. 33 C.5  "What the..."

Pg. 48 C.6 "I...I love you."

Pg. 59 C.7 "What else are you hiding from me?"

Pg. 70          About the author/this book

turn the page to be transported to a world of dreams...

"This is so exciting! Our very first assembly at Newland Intermediate!" Keira yells, touching up her peachy-pink lipgloss. "I bet I'm going to win lots of rewards!" I blink. Keira is great and all, but what about me? Does she not think I could also win something? Keira flounces out of the bathroom, her scarily short miniskirt swaying from side to side. I sigh and follow, wishing I could be as step-perfect as my best friend. She always attracts every boy she looks at, and by the time she walks away from them they're on the ground, wide-eyed, staring at her behind as she toddles away happily, moving on to her next target. Not me. Every boy I talk to ends up facing the opposite way by the time I leave.

                                    "Seriously? Her?"

Keira flops into the chair beside me, bursting with excitement. "Oh, Everleigh! This is so thrilling! Imagine all these rewards, piled up in my hands, my backpack bulging? I bet these are all for me!" I sigh. "Yeah, I bet," I say sarcastically. Keira narrows her eyes at me. "Do you not think I'll win anything?" she challenges, sounding annoyed. Suddenly, I feel terrible. "Of course you will win something!" I exclaim, nudging her. "You're excellent!" 

Miss Kelly shoots me a dirty look and I gulp and close my mouth tightly. The assembly leaders sing us a waiata and start calling things out. 

"Miss Ellery will now speak to you all," a pretty girl names Skye announces. Miss Ellery marches up to the stage, adjusting the microphone. "There's a lot of rewards to present, for our first assembly," she says. "Gosh, most of them are being presented to a Year 7 in Miss Kelly's class!" Keira nudges me. "See? See?" she whispers. "I told you! I'm amazing!" I roll my eyes and keep listening to Miss Ellery. "Everleigh Wilson," she calls. I sit up straight in my seat. "The rewards you will be receiving today are a welcome certificate,merit certificate, maths ribbon, English ribbon, Duffy book certificate, good behaviour trophy, and a high achiever badge!" She says. Keira's mouth falls open and 

she rolls her eyes in disgust. "Seriously? HER?" I hear her mutter. My eyes well up with tears, but I swallow them back and trudge up to the stage, head held high the way Mum taught me. "You might need  a bag for all these!" she jokes, but it turns out to be true, so she lends me a brown paper Andersons' uniform bag. Out of the corner of my eye I spot Keira, staring at me with disgust. I try my best not to catch her gaze and smile, a wide smile which I hope doesn't give away my true emotions. Miss Ellery presents the rest of the awards and Keira ends up winning one prize only, a welcome certificate. 

She doesn't come to stand by me, which is relieving but hurtful at the same time. Especially because she told me

she would always be by my side, at the start of our "friendship". Whatever. I smile and wave and take it all in my stride, because the book I read told me that if you fake your confidence, it will eventually become real. I'm not so sure if it's true, because I read that book two years ago, but whatever. I take a sneaky glance at Keira, who is talking to a boy again. I recognise the boy as my crush. Kian. Flipping. Bow. My stomach flips and I feel like I've been stabbed with a sword of betrayal. Kian doesn't seem to be interested, though, and I think Keira can tell, because she's using her emergency high-pitched, cutesy voice that she only uses for boys she really likes.

When assembly ends, Keira doesn't come to me, so I go to her, grabbing her wrist, digging my nails in. "Keira," I say angrily, "why the FUCK were you talking to Kian? You know I love him!" She groans. "Um, you like him, sure, but why can't I talk to him? Maybe, just maybe, I like him and he likes me, so cry about it! He's mine!" I am certain he doesn't fancy her; Kian has a sort of glint in his eye when he talks to me, and it certainly wasn't there when Keira talked to him. "Yeah, right." I grumble. She slaps my wrist and stomps on my flats, and suddenly all my confidence is lost. Keira is always going to be stronger, braver, cooler, than me, and there is nothing I can do to change that. The only thing I'm better at than

her is Maths, English, that sort of thing, but that just makes me a nerd, not a cool, fun, pretty person like Keira is. She trails behind me, chatting up Kian again, but he ignores her and stares straight at me, blushing, instead. My cheeks burn and I have to turn away because I don't want Keira to see Kian and I staring, blushing, at each other. I march into  my classroom, pack my bag, and leave.

                         "Are you OK?"

"Hey, Everleigh! How was your day? How's Keira?" Mum used to ask this every day, and I'd always say Keira was great, but today that all changed. "Uh... Keira's... fine?" I reply. Mum frowns. "Are you OK?" she asks. "Yeah, yeah. Just tired." I respond. She stares at me. "Well... that's OK then. See ya." I flop into my room and pick up my iPhone. 27 new notifications, it says. Messenger. I am just about to click on it when I see the names. Keira Walker and Sarah Brown. I groan. Sarah Brown was Keira's dodgy friend who has always hated me. I click onto the notification and scroll for ages, reading. They are having a conversation about how stupid it was

that I won lots in assembly and not them. The last few messages were:

Sarah: I know right! Like Everleigh's so dumb. How come SHE won lots?

Keira: For real! Maybe it was a system error. There's no way on Earth she deserves all that!

Keira: Oops, just realised we're on the group chat. Heheee

Sarah: OK let's go on our personal profiles then! Haha

I chuck my iPhone down onto my bed and stuff my face into my pillow. My iPhone buzzes softly, so I reluctantly open the messages. There are more from Sarah and Keira.

Keira: Oh Everleigh, I know you've seen. No need to ignore us you know. It's harsh!

Sarah: Yeah.

I resist the urge to spit out all the harsh, spiteful things I am thinking of Keira right now. Instead I tell them hi, I was about to message, got to go now, and shut it down

to avoid the repetitive buzzing sounds. I must have dozed off for a while, because next thing you know I can smell kumara and meat and Dad's yelling out for us to come to dinner. "Not hungry," I yell. "Sorry. I ate lots of food at school because it's... uh... kai sharing day, and Keira had lots of cake and other things. Sorry!" Dad never responds, so I sit there, feeling guilty. But I can't eat. I feel like I've just eaten loads of freshly picked, roasted kumara and nice juicy steak, so the thought of it is sickening to me. Yuck. I sit there and watch YouTube until midnight, crying silently.

On Monday I wake late, head spinning. I do not straighten my hair and moisturise my face and iron my uniform. Instead I pull on my creasy uniform, brush and tie up my frizzy curls, and don't even bother to splash water on my face. I look like a mess, but that's OK because I feel like one too, and honestly I just don't care, not anymore. I check my phone, and there are messages from Keira, meant mainly for Sarah. Not coming to school this week, she says. I have Covid. I whoop and suddenly my day seems like it will turn out a lot better, like when you find out you have cooking class instead of Maths. But who will I hang out with? I think. I shrug and smile and gallop into the car, clutching my backpack.

"Skye?" "Here!" "Maisie?" "Here!" "Everleigh?" "Here," I yawn. "BFF Keira?" I cringe. Usually this would make us smile, laugh even, but now it makes me cringe and I bet Keira would too. "Keira?" Miss Kelly says again. Nothing. "Oh my gosh! How will you cope, Everleigh?" I roll my eyes and sink my head into my hands, cringing. The same way I coped for nine years without even knowing her, I think. 

School is OK. Not agony, like it would've been with Keira. Instead, I befriend beautiful Skye, and even get a few words in with Kian, before he flushes crimson and can barely speak anymore. I wouldn't have been able to do that if Keira was here, I think, and smile knowing I won't 

have to see her until next Tuesday. The week goes fast, though, and I am having daily conversations with Kian. We talk about school and friends and do a bit of flirting, and we do not talk about Keira or my ex Michael or my Great Embarrassment at assembly on Friday. Kian manages to stop flushing bright crimson and not being able to speak, and I help him. We both like each other, we both know. We're just too scared to do anything about it, knowing Keira will find out and probably make our life a living hell. We flirt and flirt and flirt, until the bell rings and we wink at each other and walk away. Next thing you know, it it Monday afternoon and Keira's better. I cry myself to sleep that 

night and wonder why it has to be like this.

                      "TOGETHER, WE WILL HELP."

"Look! It's Dumb Brownie!" Keira sniggers. Sarah laughs with her. "Hahahah! Look!" I sigh and slump down next to Sarah, because I have no choice. Miss Kelly made sure specially that me and Keira were next to each other. Miss Kelly clears her throat. "We have a new kid, well not new, called Kian. He's transferred here from Matua Haiden's class, because he is too smart now. Here, sit in Skye's seat, since she's not here. We can arrange a proper seat for you tomorrow." Keira nudges Sarah. "Look! It's Kian! He is soooo fine, honestly!" Kian looks over at me and winks. "LOOK! He winked at me!" Keira giggles. I smile, knowing that wink was full well meant for me.

Skye trudges into the classroom, looking tired and worn out but still beautiful. "Morning, Skye!" Miss Kelly sings. "Kian here has your seat today, so you can go sit in the  seat by Everleigh." Skye smiles and walks over to me, setting down her bag. "Everleigh! Your boyfriend is in our class now! How cool is that?" Keira hears and turns over to Skye. "What did you just say?" she blinks, genuinely shocked. "Excuse me? Kian is SO not her boyfriend. He is SO out of her league!" I smirk. "Yeah, Keira's right, in a way," I say. "We only winked and flirted and blushed a little bit. Only for all the breaks last week." Keira's mouth falls open, and she turns back to Sarah. "Honestly!" I hear her say. "Why does she LIE so much?"

Skye frowns and looks at me, confused and angry that Keira's saying all that stuff. "I'll tell you at morning tea break," I tell her. She nods and we get back to our math work. Next block is Te Reo Matatini (English), then finally it's morning tea. "Tell me now please, Ev," Skye says. I smile, because this is way more polite than Keira would have been to me, even back in our early days. "OK. So, Keira is jealous of me. She's been taunting me for a while, since that assembly, ages ago. She slaps me and makes me cry and gave Sarah my number just so they could message me terrible things. I hate it!" I begin to cry. Skye puts an arm around my shoulders and wipes my tears away. "It's going to be OK," she tells me.

Together, we will help.

"We can figure this out together." Skye's friend Melanie comes up to us. "Hey Skye! Who's this here with you?" she says, frowning at me. She smiles. "Oh! Ev! Good job at assembly that day!" Melanie sees that I'm crying and also puts an arm round me. "You OK? What's going on?" she asks. I tell her everything, about Keira and Sarah and assembly and Kian, and cry until there are no more tears left. "It's OK," Melanie and Skye reassure me. "Tell your mum or dad or guardian. Together, we will help." I smile and sniff. The bell rings, and we all have to go to class.

                          "Why waste my time?"

"Dad, I need to talk to you." I say, setting down my backpack. He barely looks up. I sigh. "Dad, it's serious." He throws his phone angrily. "What's so urgent it won't keep? Why do you need to distract me from work emails?" he snarls. I look at his phone. Tinder, it says. Mmm. Work emails. I turn away, cheeks burning, shoulders slumped. "Never mind. I can manage." I say. He groans. "Why waste my time? Give me back my phone." I pick up his phone and hand it to him, turning away so he doesn't see the glint of tears in my eyes. He goes back to his "work emails" (Tinder dating app) and doesn't talk to me for the whole afternoon.

The next day, I am so out of patience and energy and would rather die than go to school. I tell Mum that I feel terrible and luckily she believes me, because I've never been known to fake sick, ever. I sleep all day long, because I have no energy to do anything else whatsoever. Hours after school would have been over, I get texts from Skye and Melanie, asking if I'm OK and if I've told anyone yet. I also get messages from Keira and Sarah, saying how this was the best school day yet, and how Kian clearly loves Keira. I also get a long text message from an unknown number... Who could that be? I wonder. I click onto the message and grin for the first time in what feels like forever.

  25 Feb 25              unknown                     5:12 pm

Hey, Everleigh. This is Kian. You're probably wondering how I got your number... well, I hope you're not mad, but Skye and Melanie gave it to me... By the way, your friend Keira seems to think I like her, so can you tell her I'm not interested? Just in case she doesn't get the message? I mean... I'm interested, just not in her or Sarah. Anyways, just wanted to say hi.  Hope to hear back soon. :)

I smile and text back to all the messages (except for Keira and Sarah's), then freeze as I realise I will have to go back to school tomorrow. Maybe I can squeeze another day out of Mum? Just tell your Mum/Dad/guardian, Skye's words echo in my head. I swallow and get up, trudging to the lounge room.

"Mum?" I ask. She puts her phone down and turns her head to me, looking faintly annoyed, until she sees the fear and sadness in my eyes. "Everleigh? What's up?" she asks, now seeming concerned. She looks me up and down, and I shuffle from side to side, embarrassed. She sees me shuffling and squeezing my legs together. "Is it about... well, your p-" "Mummm! Nooo! Stop! It's not about that... it's about Keira!" I yelp, cheeks feeling like they could toast a bagel. Mum ALWAYS bugs me about it! Even in front of friends It is AGONY! "Alright, alright!" she says. "What is it about Keira? Because you CAN have 

another sleepover, if that's what you're asking. I finally have a weekend off work!" I shake my head. "Thanks, Mum, but it's not that." "What is it then?" she challenges, looking concerned and faintly annoyed. I open my mouth but the words stay lodged in my throat, and I close it again, defeated. "Tell me now," she says, looking more concerned and annoyed. I clear my throat and let it all come out. Everything about Keira, Kian, Skye, Melanie, and Sarah just pours out of my mouth, and by the time I've finished tears are streaming down my hot cheeks and I have a fever. Mum strokes and pats my back and tells me it will be OK, and that I should go in my room and have a rest. I retreat to my bed and flop 

down, feeling terrible and cold. Mum comes in shortly after with a cold flannel, pressing it against my face and changing sides when it gets too hot. She sits there until sunset, stroking my hair and telling me stories like I'm a little kid again, wild and adventurous and free, without a care in the world about boys or friends. I drift into sleep, wishing I could be a happy little kid again.

I wake at 9:00 the next day, panicking that I'll be in trouble for turning up late to school. I wonder why Mum didn't wake me, until my splitting headache and stomach pains hit. "Owww," I groan. I'm guessing since Mum didn't wake me, I don't have to go to school, I think. Mum rushes in my room. "You're awake!" She grins. "I didn't wake you, since I expected you would still be a bit under the weather. Am I right?" I dredge up a yellow-teethed smile. "Yep," I say. She gives a sort of sad smile. "That's good, then. I mean, it's not good, but you know what I mean. I already texted the school that you'd be away," she says. "And I'm sorry about Keira. If you need me to do anything about it, just tell me.

"Ok. Thanks." She leaves for work, kissing me on the forehead and telling me to get better. Sadly, through iMessage, I discover that Keira and Sarah are both sick from drinking too much alcohol, and will be around to text all day. My mouth falls open in disbelief when I read this. Keira and Sarah are 11 years old, like me. 11. And they are already drinking so much they get sick. I read all their threatening messages to me, feeling even more sick than I already feel. 

kianb@email.co.nz ---> everleighhk@email.co.nz 

Ev, I couldn't help but notice you haven't texted me while we were at school. Are you OK? I'm pretty sure that you love me, and lovers text every day, right? Unless I've got this all wrong, and you don't love me at all. I have never been in a relationship before (not counting ours, if it even is a relationship?), and I would hate to lose you. I must admit I've had other "crushes" before, but none as serious as you. (By the way, Keira still hasn't taken the hint that I don't like her, so can you tell her? I'm getting annoyed. I can do it myself, I just fear that she'll beat me up. She's been doing that to people lots, the last few days.) Sorry for the long email. Love, Kian

                               "What the..."

The rest of the day was mostly boring, until Mum came home. I showed her the messages from Keira and Sarah, crying once again. She promises me that she'll fire off an email to Keira's mum, telling them about the bullying and the drinking, as the messages say clearly that they had snuck the alcohol and that luckily their parents hadn't found out. Seeing the email app gives me an idea. I log on to my account, where there is a long email from Kian. I read it, blushing, then send an email back saying sorry, that I have been feeling terrible, sleeping and crying and thinking about him for most of the day, and that I barely ever check my emails app, and yes I do

fancy him and would love to be involved in a relationship, as long as it is kept a secret from Keira, in case she beats US up. Anyway, this wasn't my idea. My idea was to log onto Dad's emails, because the Tinder and late nights and secrets all seem a little sketchy. Luckily, I know Dad's email and password from when I accidentally accessed all the passwords on the family laptop, so I type everything in and log on. It works, but I don't have much time to celebrate.

Dad's emails are FILLED with ladies from shady hook-up sites, and some of them are even demanding loans. To take care of a BABY. That Dad gave them. Nausea is added to today's collection of

sick feelings, and I fear that there will be more. I'm right. Emails and "chats" from YEARS ago are saying how Dad has spent less and less time with the "family" and more at "work". I begin to cry. We are not Dad's first and only family. In fact, we probably aren't even the last. The oldest email by far is one from 11 years ago, around the time I was born... "Please come back, Daniel" it says. Honey, our eldest 4-year-old daughter, in case you have forgotten who she is, is missing you like mad. We haven't seen you for over a month, and your location has been switched off, which is weird. What's up?  Are you dead, missing or cheating?  Honey misses you, Dan, but I'm not sure I do, especially since you might be 

cheating. I think that maybe it is better like this, Dan. I don't want to be with a lying, cheating man who abandoned his own family. It will be hard, 'specially for Honey and the kids, but I think it is also better. In the last days we saw you, you seemed so... distant. And then, you vanished, Daniel. I know it isn't a murder or a kidnapping. I know you have run away from us. Your family. You have probably started an all-new perfect family without us, and that hurts. I wouldn't take you back even if you wanted us to, which I know you never will. If you do it once, you would do it again. We're probably not even your first family.

Sincerely, Ellie Watkins(Incase you forgot who I am)

By the time I have finished reading the email, I am crying even harder, fat, salty tears. I am sobbing so much I think it might cause a flood. Mum walks in, looks at me, then my phone, and sighs. "Everleigh?" she whispers. "Is this Keira again? Because I've contacted her mother, and am waiting on a response. It will be OK, Everleigh Wilson. I will not send you to school until Keira's mum has chewed out her dirty daughter." I take a deep breath. "It's nothing, Mum. I just feel sick. But better. I think I could go to school tomorrow, Mum. It's OK." She smiles softly. "Great to know you're feeling a bit better, honey. I'm always here to talk." Honey. I never want to hear that word again. No honey on toast, nothing. 

It reminds me too much that Mum and I are just sort of a one-night stand that turned into a family Dad never wanted. Mum and Dad are still together, but their relationship is kind of shaky these days, and one of them needs to break it off. I don't want it to be Dad, since it would be too much of a shock and surprise to Mum, and she would be left crying, wondering what went wrong. Supposing he didn't tell her, I guess. I want her to know exactly what we actually mean to Dad, and I want HER to cut him off. 

But I just can't find the courage or the words to tell her.

The next day I am better again. I iron my uniform and straighten my hair and moisturise my face. I am happy. I do not know why I am happy, but I am. I turn up to school looking great, and get swarmed by Skye and Kian and Melanie. Keira and Sarah are there too, unfortunately, but Keira's face isn't JUST mean and snarky. There is jealousy too. She's jealous that Kian talks to me, not me talking to Kian, and that I have friends who cheer when they see me. She is annoyed that her teasing hasn't gotten through to me, but it has. I'm just good at hiding it.

Believe it or not, school is great and gets my mind off Dad and Mum and Honey and Ellie.

Although Keira is agony throughout the day, I still manage to enjoy it, only just. The most enjoyable part of the day was shooting flirty glances to Kian. When I finally get home, though, all the commotion from yesterday pops back into my head, and I get yet another idea. I want to make a fake e-mail, acting like a lady from his website, and arrange a meet-up. Then, when he actually turns up, Mum and I will be there to confront him. I go onto the email site and start creating an account. I carefully choose a profile picture (a nice-looking lady in a bikini on a beach) and a name (Sophie Kelly). Then, I start writing out the e-mail. I decide to make it as flirty as I can. Here goes:

sophiekellyyy@email.co.nz --> danielsmith@email.co.nz

Heyy baby. It's me, Sophie from Tinder. Unfortunately, my account got deleted, along with all our little chats together. In case you don't remember, we were planning 2 get - I take a deep breath to try relieve my nausea and keep writing - spicyyyy, this wkndd, at I wonder what address I could put... Ah! I could do it at a public restroom. da public restroom on 77 Boulevard Place, from 6.00pm - 9pm. (We can't go to each other's house, since we both live with our baby mama/daddy.) You said it's so you can pretend to your "partner" and kid that you were working late, remember? Hope to see you there... and, - I almost throw up writing this next bit - well, take ChewieBluies with you. It'll be better. thx baby xx love u dannn <3

I feel sick after writing that, and have to look in a mirror to make sure I haven't turned green. I have. "You ok, Everleigh? Honey?" Mum asks. I groan. Honey. "Yeah, I'm fine, Mum. No need to worry." I smile. "Now, if you don't mind, since it's the weekend tomorrow, could I go into town with Skye and Melanie?" She considers this. "Are these your new friends who have been helping you?" She asks. I nod. "They're really nice, Mum. I could show you our texts, if you don't believe me." "No, no! I believe you. What time?" she smiles. "6-9pm. There's a stage concert in town one of our favorite NZ bands are preforming at, and I would hate to miss it. It's Tadpole! We love them!" Mum smiles. "Me too," she says.

I felt really guilty lying to Mum, especially after what she's done for me this week, but it's for her own good. My phone buzzes and I pick it up, faking a frown. "Oh," I say. "Skye has come down with flu, and Melanie isn't allowed to come. Would... would you like to come, Mum?" My heart is pounding so hard it could fly out of my chest any second now, and my face is so warm it could toast a bagel. The silence is deafening. "Sure, honey!" she says at last. Honey? Again? I think. I smile, and look at the notification, and my smile slips.

Because it's an email notification from Dad.

danielsmith@email.co.nz --> sophiekellyyy@email.co.nz

Hey, Sophie. I do not remember you, no, but I'm like that. I have a goldfish brain... Yes, I would love to meet up in the bathroom, although it might be a bit small in there. Apologies if I'm late, though. It is quite a big day at work today... Anyway, bye for now, Soph. Excited. (And yes, I will bring a ChewieBluie)

Dannn xxx

I gag reading that email, and can't stop thinking about it. Mum saves me, although I'm not so sure it's good news. 

"EVERLEIGH!" She screams. She barges in my room, panting. "Keira's mum responded. She is grounded, possibly for life, and the school is getting involved!" I swallow. "Yay..." I say, as enthusiastically as I can. Luckily for me, Mum doesn't notice my lack of excitement, which saves me a lot of question answering. Seriously, even though she is awesome, my mother can be real annoying. It's the same for most mums, I suppose. Before I know it, it's time for school. I am excited but not excited for the weekend. Excited to trick Dad, but not excited to spend a weekend without Kian.

I get to school, fizzing with determination, and accidentally blab my whole plan really loudly to Skye and Melanie and Kian when Keira is standing near. She glances at me, eyes pink from crying, and rolls her eyes. I think she finally knows that I just don't really care anymore. Skye is confused. "Why are you doing this plan? Is it just a random trick to see if he is loyal to your mum?" she asks. I sigh and dive into the whole story. "I went on Dad's email account, because I saw him on Tinder and was suspicious," I say. "And I didn't like what I saw. E-mails from almost a decade and a half ago were there, and one of them really got to me. It said something like, 'Dan, please come home.

Honey really misses you.' And then it changed, and she was saying, 'I wouldn't take you back, even if you wanted me to. I don't wanna be with a man who ditches his whole family.'  

"There were also messages from all his one-night stands, saying the same thing. I reckon my dad has over 20 children. He seems to get everyone he even looks at a baby." My friends stand there, shell-shocked. "No way your dad did that," Melanie whispers. "You already have enough drama with Keira, now this! It must suck to be you, Everleigh Wilson. I am so, so sorry." she says. "Wait, now that I think about it..."