It's hard to break habits even though you know it's for the best. Growing up, I learned to accept band-aids to cope with difficulties and applied salves that offered temporary relief.

One of these was RETAIL THERAPY.

Even though there was a constant complaint from my parents about money troubles, I have a lot of pleasant memories visiting department stores growing up. I always felt instantly better when I was allowed to purchase a toy, a trinket, or a doodad. I felt better because for awhile, I'd feel heard as my mom would ask me what I wanted, smiling from ear to ear. When we would walk up to the counter, my mom would hold a casual conversation, the store clerks would be smiling and I'd feel wonderful.

But the result was always the same. Not only would I want more and more things so that I could feel the buzz of a new purchase, but I would experience buyer's remorse second-hand when hearing my parents argue. It was an endless cycle: buy more, feel guilty, buy more...

Worse, I was not receiving what I craved. I needed real affection, attention, intimacy and love!

I had to learn the hard way that shopping cannot substitute for these things. What sucks is having to pay back all the money I owed credit cards (with interest) after running them up to their limits.

To learn how to reduce the craving that I get is no easy task. Mindfulness has helped me immensely because it forces me to really feel what is going on. It helps give me a pause to observe and realistically ask myself whether I "need", "want" or "have to have" what I'm thinking about. It's not the thought behind wanting something, it's the habit of acting on that want.

It also helps to turn off triggering advertisements that lie and say I'll be happier/younger/nicer/more successful/prettier/the envy of all my friends if I'd just buy that product/expensive item. I am aware of the lie and yet I feel a twinge because...ooh, they have it in my favorite color or the item seems really, really cool!

Many of the purchases I didn't even remember making.

I've never truly felt anything more self-sustaining, rewarding, and illuminating than unconditional love. The people who say that they love me "for no reason" and my pets who have all shown me love without words are testament that I don't have to follow my cravings. It may take some time, I may go so far as to put some items in my cart, but then, I remove all items. It's just not what I am really wanting.

I wish disengagement for those who struggle with RETAIL THERAPY supplanted for Love. Here's hoping you find more of the genuine article: rich, abundant and overflowing with Grace!

Many people despair when they should rejoice.

So I'm here to remind you that whatever the circumstance, KEEP SWIMMING!

Just like Dory from Finding Dory, the simple act of keeping myself moving forward in times of doubt is sometimes the best choice. It isn't about just floating or waiting and it isn't about knowing what lies ahead. It's about accepting where I am but not becoming complacent and allowing the undertow to drag me under. Instead, when I go with the flow, I discover that I'll always be led to an answer...even if the answer leads me fathoms deep in unfamiliar waters.

skies and serendipity? How can I know pain if I've never been touched by illness or struggle?

The worst part is that I have no control of the condition of the body of water I'm in. I also have no control of the weather or the direction of the currents of change. I don't always know if I'll be alone on this journey or among a school of others who are all sharing my experience.

I just know that no matter what, I will KEEP SWIMMING until the waters are clear, blue, warm, and teeming with life.

May you do your best to stay afloat and remember to swim with a little Grace!

Obstacles are nature's way of providing me an opportunity to overcome a challenge. Without challenge, life for me has no purpose and no direction. It is often in the worst times of my life when I am faced with insurmountable odds, seeming impossible trials, hard choices, pushed to my perceived limits that I am allowed a chance to persevere and gain understanding.

But this knowledge isn't always just a lesson for me alone. It is a means by which I can really experience challenges that others face to better relate to them. How can I know poverty if I've never had financial hardship? How can I know strife if I've only had blue

I have to observe who is truly welcome to come to my party and who I choose to leave off the guest list and why. By reversing the notion of following MY HEART'S DESIRE, I discover the trail of all the broken hearts I never even considered. But with an open heart, I can learn to welcome everyone.

May your invitations be overflowing with goodness, lovingkindness, and of course, Grace!

feeling the initial discomfort of having to make room for others, I have to wonder who am I excluding? What is it that I have that others do not have? What are some of the benefits I enjoy that are not available to others? 

While pursuing MY HEART'S DESIRE, I have to remember what and who I'm leaving behind.

As I work to include more people in my circle,

I love acts of kindness. People who take it upon themselves to do things like open doors, help someone move, pay for someone's groceries, tipping a delivery person, donating to a local charity and so much more.

There is a tendency, however, to name these RAK's, or Random Acts of Kindness. But I'd like to propose an alternative: INTENTIONAL ACTS of KINDNESS.

I used to think that in order to instruct others, I had to talk. I would chat it up all the time on methodologies, theories, lessons, ideas. I didn't understand that while this is part of how knowledge is attained, it isn't the only way.

If I talk about how to be a good person, I also have to embody and model the good person. Yet for me, this proved challenging (as it does for others) because I was over-thinking the model. I wanted sweeping drastic change in myself, but it was actually the smaller, daily gestures that meant the most. Things done not "randomly" but with intention. I can take it upon myself to care for me by eating well, sharing what I enjoy with others, ask others to share with me. I could read more and leave books I've read behind in a public place for someone else to read. I could shop locally to support my community. I could stop illegally downloading music. I could be mindful of my actions every day so as not to offer commentary unless requested.

But most of all, to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Life is the gift. By living it with intention, we actively participate in it and don't just leave it to chance or happenstance or randomness. We choose to be our better selves and this in turn inspires others to do the same.

How do you live life intentionally? Can your acts of kindness be done more consistently, mindfully rather than randomly? Are you aware that even "small" gestures can make a huge difference to our world and how it runs? May you live your life intentionally and engage with your communities to spread kindness wherever you go. Doing so will enlighten you and make the world you live in better, happier and full of Grace!

LOVE CANNOT BE MEASURED BY TIME.

Now that I have time, I know how unreliable, and non-linear it is. When I'm having fun, it seems to run like water. When I'm working on something I don't like, it becomes painfully slow.

Theoretically, I now have more time to Love myself doing the things that I enjoy and yet, I find this taxing and work really hard at not considering Love at all.

I have discovered that there are infinite ways one can measure Love. I recall a scene in The Godfather II where a young Don Corleone gifts his wife a pear after having just lost his job, food being a decadent luxury for an unemployed Italian immigrant. Some say that one need only a "thimble-full". Others measure it by the number of children they have. Scientists measure lover's dopamine levels and hormonal changes.

In high school, students measured it by how many carnations they anonymously received on Valentine's Day (for a dollar).