We have been through a “rough patch” lately. What do I mean? We cannot stand each other. Tolerating her attitude toward me is a relationship milestone which seems about as close to achievement as our closest star Alpha Centauri, 39,900,000,000,000 km from here.

Let’s face it. Two adults living intimately together is a difficult proposition in the best of times. Particularly the two of us.

If you cannot identify with this, stop reading here. 

You have one of those ideal marriages/partnerships I have never experienced and to which I cannot relate.  

However, if you are living this periodic nightmare, read on. Like Budweiser, “this one’s for you.” In fact, having a cold one right now might loosen me up a little more to be really candid with you.

Or if you are one of those “Christians” who could never admit to liking beer, do not waste any more time reading this. You are too righteous and will be offended. Go read your Bible and leave this alone.

For us earthlings, impure and impious, this question - Do you know exactly when your spouse started loathing you once again? If so, read on as a fellow traveler experiencing the sufferings of Christ in this institution of marriage. For me, it was her snide, cutting remark last night as I opened the door for her. We had arrived at the restaurant to meet a close couple who are moving to Florida tomorrow. 

My precise thought as we greeted them was, ‘I wish I were saying goodbye to her and leaving for Florida with them.’ With great restraint, I kept the thought to myself.

I really do love her, and she loves me. However, at times we do not like each other. When the relationship is going well and we are both happy, she looks lovely to me, and I appreciate her. When we are going through a period like we are now, not so much.

As I reflect on my relationship with her, I also reflect on my relationship with me. I have to admit there are parts of me, attitudes in me, selfishness in me that I cannot stand. No wonder she has issues with me. So, do I.

I accommodate the dark parts of me in order to like myself. I should apply the same measure to her. 

Both of us have more than one marriage ‘under our belt. You would think that toleration would be one of our strong attributes. It is not. Why must I have such elevated expectations of her in our relationship?

How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

What does that mean to me right now? I will go give her a sensitive, loving hug and a sweet kiss on the check…and let her sleep in a little more. 

That is the true me God is struggling to reveal. He loves all of me, even the darkest part. He overlooks much of what is still a “work in progress.” Can’t I at least attempt to apply this same struggle to the one I love and pledged to have and hold for the rest of my life? To love all of her?