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Once upon a time there lived a girl with no name. 

She had white skin, red lips, and black hair. 

For some reason, her appearance was reason 

enough for people to call her “Snow White”.

The girl lived her whole life not realizing she 

didn’t have a name. It wasn’t until she was 

visiting with her friend, Grumpy, that she 

found this out about herself. 

“Snow White, why don’t you have a name?” 

Grumpy half-shouted in an accusing tone. 

“But I do have a name, Grumpy. My name is 

Snow White,” the nameless girl replied. 

“That’s not a name!” Grumpy yelled. 

“That’s a description!” 

“Oh… I never thought about it like that,” 

said the girl sadly. 

“But isn’t Grumpy just a description, too?” 

The little man could not argue with logic like 

that so he did the only thing he knew how: 

pouted and went home.

Grumpy’s question stayed with the girl all day. 

At dinnertime, her husband, Prince Charming, 

noticed she wasn’t happy. 

“What’s the matter?” asked Prince Charming. 

“Why don’t I have a name?” asked the girl. 

“How could you marry someone with no name?” 

Prince Charming laughed, 

“Of course you have a name! It’s Snow White!” 

“That’s not a name,” corrected Snow White. 

“It’s just a description.” 

“...Of your beautiful skin!” added Prince Charming. 

“But lots of people have white skin,” 

said Snow White. “It doesn’t make you special. 

And I don’t even like snow. It’s so cold.” 

“It was the first thing I noticed 

about you when I met you,” said Prince Charming. 

“When you first met me, you thought I was dead!”

 she shouted. 

Prince Charming was getting annoyed 

at his wife’s complaining. 

“Well, if you don’t want to be called Snow White 

because you don’t like snow, 

why don’t you just call yourself Feta Cheese? 

You seem to like plenty of that!” yelled Prince Charming.

“Well, maybe I will!” shouted the girl, 

getting up from the table. “And by the way, 

‘Prince Charming’ isn’t a real name either!”

The girl was so mad at her husband 

that she packed her things, 

left a note signed ‘Feta Cheese’, 

and went to go live with her friends 

Grumpy and Sleepy. 

Grumpy was surprised to see the girl 

when he opened the door. 

“Hello, Snow White,” he said. 

“Oh, please don’t call me that anymore, Grumpy. 

Call me Feta Cheese,” the girl said. 

“Alright. But only if you don’t call me ‘Grumpy’ anymore. 

Call me ‘Puffin’,” he replied. 

“Why ‘Puffin’?” she asked.

“I like Puffins!” he grumbled. “Why Feta Cheese?” 

“I like Feta Cheese!” she shouted back.

Feta Cheese entered the house. 

Since she was last there, five out of the seven 

dwarves had left the house and gotten married.  

This left only Puffin and Sleepy, who fell in 

love with one another. (Probably because Sleepy 

was barely awake long enough to deal with 

Puffin’s bad mood!) The girl would wait until 

morning to say hello to her friend, Sleepy.

There were now six empty rooms for 

Feta Cheese to choose from. 

Before saying goodnight, she admitted to 

Puffin she didn’t really like the name 

‘Feta Cheese’ either, but she at least thought it 

was better than ‘Snow White.' 

Puffin vowed to help his friend find 

a name that she liked. They would go 

into town tomorrow to visit the library!

Puffin and Feta Cheese went to the 

village the next day. Sleepy couldn’t come

 as he needed his mid-morning nap. 

Puffin wanted Sleepy to come with them

 so he could also find a real name, 

but Sleepy insisted that his name 

would come to him in a dream.

Puffin and Feta Cheese passed some townspeople. 

“Oh! Look at that pretty girl! Look at her white skin! 

Look at her red lips! Look at her black hair!” 

they all whispered and pointed. 

“I bet her name is ‘Snow White’ or ‘Rose Red’ 

or ‘Midnight Black!'” 

Feta Cheese could see the people

 pointing at her and became nervous. 

“Excuse me!” said one of the townspeople.

 “What is your name?” 

“Feta Cheese,” she replied. 

“My name is Feta Cheese.”

The townspeople were stunned. 

“Did you say… Feta Cheese?” 

asked the townsperson. 

Feta Cheese nodded. 

“Do you stink?” asked one of the townsmen. 

“Excuse me?” Feta Cheese asked. 

“Are you called Feta Cheese because you stink?”

 asked another townswoman. 

“No! She does not stink!” cried Puffin. 

But it did not matter. The townspeople had 

decided that the girl was given the name 

Feta Cheese because she smelled bad, 

even though they couldn’t smell anything on her.

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